Saturday, August 6, 2011

Living in a Post 8/5 America: The Day Nicki Minaj and Her Left Nipple Betrayed Us All

What are we going to do now? Nicki Minaj's left nipple has been exposed on public television. How can we, as Americans, possibly move forward from this? Somebody must apologize for this scandalous demonstration of state-of-the-art plastic surgery to the American public.

ABC says in a statement: “We are sorry that this occurred.”

Damn right, you're sorry. How am I going to erase the image of this woman's nipple from my memory? How are babies that saw this nipple going to recover from the trauma of thinking that were about to be fed, only to remain tragically malnourished? How are we supposed to explain to our children that you need bags of saline to make a titty look that hard and perky? What about all the 11-year-old boys that were playing hookie from school that day, only to see their first fake titty? These are the pressing questions that we must now answer, unfortunately, in this post 8/5 America.

God forbid someone sees the nipple on that synthetic titty!



















Luckily, we have the Parents Television Council to save the day. Refer to this timely and necessary statement from the organization, "For the umpteenth time in recent memory a morning news show has included inappropriate content for children and families. Instead of asking for forgiveness, they need to stop apologizing and implement the five second delay that so many Americans have been calling for."

Indeed. God forbid the American Public has to endure the devastation of  yet another fleetingly-visible nipple. This must end NOW.

My heart goes out to all the families who were innocently hoping to enjoy a wholesome performance from Young Money artist Nicki Minaj, only to be horrifically betrayed by her exhibitionist, left knocker on that fateful morning. This blog stands as a testament of your courage during these trying times.

8/5/2011... We will never forget. 

Solemnly yours,
Publius

39 comments:

  1. To compass such a boundless happiness! Following!

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  2. three words: sticky back plastic.

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  3. The worth that learned charity aye wears: Following!

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  4. Haha, thanks for the comments, guys. Glad you enjoyed it.

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  5. Made from artificial ingredients

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  6. Haha thats funny her nipples are tiny LOL
    god that chick is so annoying, no talent asshat sloth is what she is

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  7. hahaha, "asshat sloth"... well put.

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  8. OMG, what a fucking bitch face :D

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  9. Wow holy shit, that's gross

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  10. Your satire just made my day, good sir. This is a kindness I am determined to repay you, as a number one fan.

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  11. This post was full of rage and I was full of guffaws. Great work +1 follower.

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  12. This reminds me of Jannet Jackson!

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  13. omg a body part!

    everyone poo's

    blatant lewd sex on public is obscene

    but a nip slip come on, theres far more important things goin on in the world.

    thanks for info anywas XD <3

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  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  15. There's too much drama about these sort of things, just like Janet's boob. It won't do anything to children if they accidentally see a nipple, something that most if not all of them have already seen in early days.

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  16. Is that Lady Gaga on the picture?

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  17. That's what I'm saying, FinBis. So stupid that anyone needs to make a serious public apology about a nipslip.

    @ Hento, I hope you know this article was written satirically and that I don't think this is a big deal at all. It's ridiculous.

    Thanks for reading/commenting guys!

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  18. Lol, this is just, I'm speechless LOL

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  19. Gotta love them nip slips. Finally following you, happy? =)

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  20. hahahaha you guys are hilarious. And yes, Steph, it's about time!

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  21. Oh wow, I just dont 'get' this girl. Why is she so popular? Bacon hat anyone?

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  22. Such a well written and engaging post revolving around areolas.
    You sir, deserve my plus one.
    And my comment.

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  23. It got annoying seeing comments almost everywhere, about her nipple lmao

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